The Forgotten Blog

Have you ever started writing something, and then had to put it away for some reason or another, only to find it weeks or months later?  Had you forgotten about it completely?

That was the case when I found this started blog post from April 22, 2009.  It was probably left incomplete when one of the girls needed my attention, and I simply didn’t know how to finish it.  Like my time in England, I just didn’t know how to finish it.

A glimpse at a forgotten blog post from almost ten months ago…before I found out I was pregnant, before we moved home to America and left our life in the UK behind, before it all…As I sit here tonight watching the snow fall and missing my best friend on her birthday, this post brings so much back to me.  I’m feeling a little homesick, sitting at home.

I have refrained from posting much lately, for once at a loss for words for all that I want to say.  For every bit of excitement and anticipation I feel about our move back to America, another part of me feels devastated and conflicted.  I am filled with emotional turmoil right now, and haven’t been able to put it into words–for you, or for myself.

I have avoided much reflection on what our time here as meant–not because I don’t see it all, but because it would make it too hard to leave.

One of the things that struck me the other day, though, was that it’s amazing to me the way things are connected, and the ways in which the smallest change, gesture, or decision can impact so much of what’s to come.

It started with a simple mention by Marcus that he could apply for jobs around the world.  My shrug and spontaneous reaction to apply for the job here in England.

If he’d never done it, there would be no Erica just yet, as we decided to have Erica because I wanted to have a second child before we moved abroad.

If there’d been no Erica when we’d arrived here, we might not have been sponsored by Curtis, April, and Gabby.  Without this incredible family, my first 6 months in England would have been unmanageable.

If we’d never met the Bly family, we might not have been so inspired to try to reach out to other families in the same way that we were touched and helped.

If we hadn’t been inspired to help, we might not have met Jake, Jess, Sophia, and Ian, and tried to help them in the way that we were helped and supported.

If we’d never met them, I’d never have heard about Ravelry.

If I’d never heard of Ravelry, I never would have met and helped found the Harrogate Knitting Group.

If I’d never met the Harrogate Knitting Group, I’d never have known some of my closest friends here in Harrogate….

How quickly time moves on…

 

I make beautiful babies.

It’s true.  I do.  Marcus helps.

 

Touch Wood

Touch wood, nursing is going much better.  I still experience some pain between feedings, especially when I am cold (vasospasm?).  But I am pain free while nursing about 80% of the time, which is a huge improvement.  Every day is getting a bit better as Jessica gets older and we work together on our breastfeeding relationship.  I’m so glad that I’ve stuck it out and have made it through the first month!

In addition, Jess is such a good sleeper so far.  Not only a good sleeper, but a pretty happy baby, all around.  She naps well, in her pack n play, bassinet, bouncy seat, car seat, and with mommy and daddy holding her.  She has just started taking a pacifier and can even fall asleep on her own with that in her mouth while in her bassinet.  When she is awake, she usually only cries when she’s hungry or her diaper is dirty/wet.  Otherwise, she is so alert and wants to see what’s going on with her big sisters and in our busy household!

Overall, the transition from two to three kids has gone smoother than the transition from one to two went.  Maybe it’s because Marcus was home for longer and then transitioned back to work gradually.  Maybe it’s because other than the breastfeeding, I’m feeling pretty confident and together.  Maybe it’s because we’re used to less sleep and the selflessness that comes with parenting.

Whatever the reason, things are going well.  Touch wood.

 

The Best Day Of My Life

The other day, Marcus, the girls and I all found ourselves in our bed, talking and watching a show. The girls had each had a bath, and the evening’s temper tantrums had, thankfully, subsided.

That’s when Samantha said, “Today was the best day of my life.”

Marcus and I exchanged a glance, and he looked at her and inquired, “Why?”

She innocently responded, “Because we’re all together as a family.”

I think that says it all.

 

Little Helpers

I don’t know how I’d do it without them…or something like that.

 

Super Mittens

These are my Super Mittens, so called for a variety of reasons.

1)  They are knit in Artyarns Supermerino.  Hence, they are superwash, which is awesome for mittens, since they won’t felt.

2)  They are super comfortable, in a super cute color!

3)  They were knit in less than a week, with me less than three weeks postpartum with a newborn baby that I am breastfeeding, thereby proving what I have known for years…I am a supermom!

Easy Mittens, Artyarns Supermerino

Here’s to the super mittens!  Hurrah!

 

In Which I Consider Quitting

I don’t like to think of myself as a quitter.  I can stick it through on most things.  And part of my non-quitting is because I don’t like the thought of other people looking at me and thinking that I’m a quitter.  So instead of realizing my limits and drawing the line, I sometimes push past the point where maybe I should call it quits.

Jessica is only two weeks old, and our breastfeeding relationship continues to be rocky.  After not nursing Samantha at all (by choice) and then going to the opposite end of the spectrum and nursing Erica with ease for almost a year, I find myself in a difficult position right now.   Do I continue breastfeeding, through pain, cracked and sore nipples, and resentment and hope for the great yearlong nursing relationship I had with Erica?  Or do I stop now, have a couple of days of pain and engorgement, and then hope for the great yearlong bottle feeding relationship I had with Samantha?  I just don’t know the answer.

I hate the thought that I might be a quitter.  Having nursed a child for a year now, I do really realize the benefits and the ease that can come with breastfeeding.  Is that in my future with Jess?  If I stop now, will it be premature?  How long do I give it?

I have seen lactation consultants at the hospital and at home, and I try my hardest to do everything “they” say…so I know I’m trying my best and doing everything I can.  And obviously, I raised a beautiful, healthy daughter who never drank an ounce of breast milk.

So it must be the quitting thing.  I don’t want to be a quitter.  I don’t want to quit on Jessica.

I wish I knew what to do.

 

In Which We Become a Family of Five

I suppose the more accurate title would be “In Which We Adjust to Becoming a Family of Five,” but you get the general idea, I’m sure.

Our family is adjusting to a new baby fairly well, thank goodness.  Jessica is a good sleeper, which helps tremendously.  Our nursing relationship is still a work in progress, so I’m feeling very lucky that Marcus is able to be home to help in these first few weeks.

The girls love their baby sister–they can’t stop giving her kisses and asking to hold her.  Samantha, especially, seems smitten with baby Jess.  I think Erica is taking the adjustment the hardest of all–used to being a Mommy’s girl, she’s a bit jealous of the time she isn’t getting.  But, all in all, they are doing well.

I cannot believe that what once started as just Marcus and I, before God, in a church in Annapolis, has grown into a family of five.  How did that happen?  What did we do to deserve this wonderful family of five that we’ve become?  We are truly blessed.

 

Story Time

OK…story time!

I had contractions on and off all day on Friday, and but went to bed without too much of an issue. I woke twice to go to the bathroom–the first time I noticed that I was feeling really crampy, even without contracting, and the second time I noticed that I was contracting and cramping continuously. My husband and I waited only about half an hour, and the contractions were so painful that I called the midwife, who said to head in to L&D.

When I got there, I was 2-3 cm, 50% effaced, -2 station, and contracting regularly every 2-3 minutes. The midwife asked me to walk around the hospital for awhile, which we did for about an hour and a half. She checked me again, I was 3 cm, slightly more effaced, still -2 station. I got a little teary eyed, and expressed that I was really hoping not to be sent home. She conferred with the incoming midwife (shift change) and they agreed that I could try to walk around for 2 more hours and that as long as I’d made some progress, they would admit me and try to give me some Stadol to relax me and hopefully help bring baby down (they noted that she was sunny side up, and both felt strongly that though I was in early labor, this was the problem).

So, we walked hard, fast, and furious, and 2 hours later I was about 4, 60-70% effaced, and 0 station! So, they admitted me, I got a kick ass room, and they gave me some Stadol. It made me loopy, but the relaxation was just what the doctor ordered–the contractions got more productive, more painful, and I was about 5 when an hour had passed.

At that point, the contractions were painful and 4 minutes apart. But I was alright between them, so I wasn’t going to ask for the epidural yet. However, my nurse told me that the anesthesiologist was in the room next door, then had a c-section and another epidural scheduled. She said we could probably snag him before the c-section…worried about the lag time that could occur if I waited, I decided to go ahead and get the epidural then. I’m so glad I did–he was in the c-section for a long time, and if I’d waited, I don’t know if I could have handled the pain by the time he made it back my way.

At that point, I was doing well, my mom and sister arrived, and we spent time resting and talking. My contractions got stronger and stronger, I felt no pain, and I got to rest.

The midwife came in and spent most of the evening with us, monitoring my progress and socializing, which I loved. When it was finally time to push, it took about 90 minutes, mostly because Jessica was now laying sideways and it was a difficult position to get her pushed out of. Again, the epidural rocked!

Jessica Diane arrived at 7:35 pm, weighed 7 lbs, 11 oz, and was 20 in long. The girls can’t wait to meet their baby sister, and we head home tomorrow! Family of five…holy moly!

Sorry I’m so verbose…I just wanted to recount it all.

 

A New Beginning

2010 is certainly set to be a year of new beginnings for our family.  Along with Jessica’s impending arrival, we’ll also welcome our first nephew, Wyatt, this year.

39 weeks pregnant!

Along with new beginnings, we’ll have new adventures–kindergarten, preschool, and balancing three kids between two adults.  We’ll continue to work on the old adventures too–keeping the house, our finances, and work straight, while still finding time for fun and games, too.

Life in our home is never dull, and 2010 won’t be the exception to that rule.

How could it be, with these little things running the show?

Ready for the Next Adventure!

Here’s to the new beginnings, continued adventures, and a wonderful year ahead!