I wonder if people who don’t knit, or those who have never been knitted for, can truly appreciate the power of a handknit item.

Power, they might wonder?  What power is there in something handmade?  It’s just knitting, after all.

Oh, there’s power, alright.

When this arrived in the mail from my best friend Anne last week, the powerful part was that, with an ocean between us, I could picture her sitting on the couch knitting it in our last weeks together.  There was power in the fact that when I put it on, I could practically smell her living room in her house in England, where I’ve knit thousands of stitches with my best friend.  There is power in the fact that when I put it on, I feel closer to her.  And since I miss her so much, that’s a pretty awesome feat.

The Tilted Duster, from Anne

The power is also present in the fact that my mother can’t keep her darned hands off the thing…having developed a love for all things handknit, but no desire to knit them herself, she has resorted to thievery.

Mom in MY Tilted Duster

I tell you…those handknits are powerful.

Marcus arrives home on Tuesday!  Yay!

This has certainly not been the easiest separation, and I certainly couldn’t have done it without all the help from my family and friends.

Not only will we never have to be apart for this long again, but when he arrives home, he’s on vacation until mid-August.

Does it get any better than that?

Our days without Marcus have been, for the most part, full.  I know he’ll be so surprised to see how much the girls have grown and changed in just this short time apart.

He’s going to be so surprised!

I can’t wait until Tuesday!

Whew! What a week!

It’s only Monday…isn’t it?

At any rate, Kiki and I spent last week atvthe beach with the girls, which was lots of fun. The weather wasn’t entirely cooperative, but we had lots of fun anyway.

We’re in the home stretch now, though! We’re back at mom’s house, and there are 8 days until Marcus comes home! Yay! So that’s in the back of my mind, every day.

We had a bit of fence drama at the new house for a stressful (for me) and frustrating (for Marcus) 30 hours. But, it’s in the process of getting sorted now, which is encouraging. It’ll cost us…but unexpected expenses happen, and that’s why we have savings… Sort of.

My writing is going well, and I’m starting to branch out more, which I’m excited about. Expect a whole writing related post soon.

Knitting continues, and I’m working on a newcsock design. I have test knitters signed up, and hope to email them a draft later this week.

So, what a week…on Monday. I wonder what Tuesday has in store…

I’m super excited today, because though my knitting mojo seems to have been waning a bit lately, my designing mojo has skyrocketed!

I’ve released my first for-sale pattern on Ravelry, the Well Traveled Socks. These socks include traveling cables on the cuff and leg, and then a heel flap and stockinette foot. I adore them, and am really proud.

Well Traveled Socks

If you Ravel, they are available for $5 as a PDF download HERE.

Yay!

I suppose you can. I mean, here we are. Home again.

But though I’m happy to be here, glad to be with family, and excited about our new house, coming home again entails so much more than I ever expected.

Part of the situation is, of course, that we are in a state of flux. Marcus isn’t home yet, we aren’t living in our house yet, and our things aren’t here yet. But all that aside, it’s amazing how hard it can be to move, even moving home, after three years somewhere.

I miss my friends in England, our house, our schedule and routine, everything. I miss my knitting group, grabbing the girls from school and heading to Anne’s for tea, and even knowing where to shop for the things I want and where they’ll be in the store.

Some of this is going to take time. And I know I can’t even really expect that clock to start ticking until Marcus is home and we’re moved in.

It’s so funny, because you get so much support when you move overseas–sponsors, meetings, support groups, newsletters…and even then it wasn’t always enough.

But when you move home, you’re coming home, and the support isn’t there. But it’s just as hard as the first move.

I know it will all fall into place, and that this was the right decision for me and for my family. But it’s still an adjustment. It’s still hard. And we’re still working at it…

…and apparently steals your blogging mojo.

Yep, you got it right–I’m pregnant with #3.

To clarify, I am pregnant with #3, living in America while my husband is still taking care of our house and lives in England, watching the girls, living with my mom, and trying to write in my free time.

Whew. Now I know where the rest of May went.

In anticipation of all the pregnancy questions that may be ruminating around in your head, here are some preemptive FAQs:

When are you due?
Baby #3 should arrive in early January. My due date is January 6th. But of course, we know all about those pesky due dates.

So wait, how far along does that make you?
I’m 9 weeks and 2 days pregnant.

Umm…aren’t their rules about telling people before the end of your first trimester?
There are. They were made up by women having their first baby, who don’t look pregnant until well into their second trimester. I am, however, having my third baby. That means I pretty much started to look pregnant the minute I conceived.

In addition, I’m pretty open about my life, and if something ever happened to my pregnancy, I’m sure I’d be writing about it anyway.

Are you hoping for a boy this time?
Who answers “yes” to this question? You set yourself up for nothing but potential disappointment and who wants to be disappointed with ANY healthy child?

On one hand, of course we’d love to see what our son would look like and what it would be like to have a boy. On the other hand, we’ve got this girl thing covered, and that’s pretty cool, too.

Are you going to find out what you are having?
Yes.

There are so few real surprises in life…why ruin the surprise of your child’s gender?
Seriously? Whether you find out and cry and hug your spouse in the ultrasound room, or find out in the delivery room, is it any less of a surprise? This argument always cracks me up. I like knowing, planning, and preparing. It’s part of the fun for me, my husband, and our family!

So, expect a few baby knits, baby woes, and baby joys in Kelly’s world from now on! It hasn’t been the easiest start to a pregnancy–I haven’t felt too badly, but it is hard being without my husband for these early weeks. Luckily, I’ve had help from family, which has made it much more manageable.

For those that are curious, I’ve also stopped taking my antidepressants. This was my choice, and didn’t come on the heels of any reading or doctor’s recommendation. In fact, I always said I’d never stop even if I did get pregnant again. However, when the “pregnant” flashed on my digital pregnancy test, I stopped my 40 mg of citalopram cold turkey (which I do NOT recommend). I’m not opposed to starting them again if I can’t go any longer, and I’m in open conversation with my midwife about my depression. But for now, though I am still suffering some, I am managing it well. Again, family support has been a huge help here.

I promise, pictures, knitting, life back in America, and the like will all follow in the not-so-distant future…I’ve missed blogging, and you! Give a shout-out in the comments section if you are here!

There is never enough time in the day, is there? I go to bed every night thinking of that list of to do’s that still isn’t done, and I know that I’m not the only one.

Make time today for something special, something that didn’t warrant a spot on the list. How often do you write, “Hug my daughter?” or “Be sure to tell husband I love him?”. They matter so much though, don’t they?

While you are at it, take a minute today to thank a service member, to remember a family member who served their country, or to teach your kids the pledge of allegiance I’d the National Anthem. Those things might not have made your list, either, but I promise you, they matter, too.

Every once in awhile I find myself incredibly anxious. It’s a part of who I am, and I work on ways to handle the anxiety and still make it through the day.

A major part of that is understanding what is making me anxious.

Today I am anxious because the movers are finally coming to put the roll-top desk together at the new house. I’m anxious because I’ll have to be there (without Marcus) with the girls while I wait for them, and I’m not sure what time they’ll arrive.

I’m anxious because Courtney is going to watch the girls so I can get a much needed break. I’m anxious because I hope Erica is good. And then I am anxious because I’m going to the new knitting group I have been attending, where I don’t really feel that I belong yet. And I’m working on a sock design that one of the members is attempting for me, and she’s going to knit it and hate it or think it’s terrible and then won’t want to be friends with me anymore.

And then tomorrow a girl from high school and her two kids are coming over. There is absolutely nothing to be anxious about…nothing. But I am, nonetheless.

I’m anxious about how I’ve been with the girls lately. Samantha is really testing the boundaries, and Erica is as strong-willed as ever. They are requiring constant attention, and we’re working on their behavior, which is draining.

I know…these sound like little things-irrational things. But that’s part of what it is to suffer from depression and anxiety. I cannot stop thinking about these little things. They make new worried, upset, and make the entire day a chore for me, where I want to go to bed and wake up tomorrow, where it’s gone.

The worst part is that my anxiety right now isn’t this out of control anxiety, but instead, it’s this calm anxiety, if that makes sense. My heart is racing, but I don’t have any emotion about it.

It doesn’t make sense…I know. But I feel a little better for having blurted it all out.

Today I almost ran out of gas. I say almost because I had what I thought was plenty of gas, passed the last exit for 6 miles, and came to a dead stop. I sat for 20 minutes, and the gas light came on. I sat for another twenty minutes, and started to panic a little bit. I pulled over to decide what to do.

I didn’t want to keep sitting in traffic, because if I ran out of gas I would be in a lane and if the traffic continued, a top up from the traffic guy might not be enough to get me to the gas station.

So, I pulled over, and called in the reinforcements (Courtney, who came with two gallons of gas).

This is, no doubt about it, my fault. I should never have let myself go below an eighth of a tank, and certainly not with the girls in the car. I learned a valuable lesson about car safety.

But I also learned that people are really only looking out for themselves. As I sat on the side of Route 50 in practically dead stopped traffic for 45 minutes (it started to move at the end of that time) with my hazards on, only ONE person asked me (crying, with two kids in the backseat, and the windows down) if I was alright, if I’d called for help, or if I needed anything. ONE PERSON.

And that includes the Homeland Security police officer and policeman in an undercover car, both of whom just cruised (I should say crawled) on past.

I just don’t get it. If you were sitting in stopped traffic and saw a woman with kids in the car crying, and her hazards on, wouldn’t you have poked your head out the window to be sure she was alright?

I mean…gosh.

I’m just flabbergasted. What is wrong with people?

We’re all home, safe and sound, and lessons learned. But I can’t shake this crummy feeling about humanity. I just can’t believe no one offered to help but that one man…no one.

PS: He was tattooed and in a pick up truck. I wish I’d gotten his name.

I am in a knitting rut, and I really think it’s part of the reason that I’ve been a bit down in the dumps lately.

I am working on a Woodland Shawl for a friend in Malabrigo Sock, and it is beautiful! I’m just finishing up one skein, and realizing that it’s really going to need to be two skeins to be what I want it to be. So I’m feeling frustrated with it and want to put it to the side.

I’m also working on designing a pair of socks. But I’m having serious second sock syndrome, and don’t want to work on them, either.

I have three sweaters in progress, but who the heck wants to work on a sweater when the weather is starting to turn nice.

Nothing is appealing to me, and I feel like if I could just find the right project, my spirits would just miraculously lift!

HELP, oh fellow knitters!