Four in the Morning

Those of you who suffer from depression and anxiety know how it can be the tiniest thing that gets to you.  For me, it’s happened quite a bit in the past week, and always over something small.

I have a new business venture, which I adore, but there are parts to it that I am just learning.  And as such, I’ve made mistakes.  And I hate that.  I hate failing and doing things wrong.  I hate not knowing the answers to things.  I hate feeling overwhelmed by such seemingly small details.

I know there’s a learning curve.  But I hate the learning curve.

It makes me frustrated about things that would normally not frustrate me–it brings out the worst in me when I have this small thing provoking all this anxiety in me behind the scenes.

And then it gets worse because I realize that if I had been perfect…had done it right the first time…none of this would have happened.

It doesn’t make it any better to realize that there’s a solution to everything and that these small business-related issues are not earth-shattering.

In fact, it makes it worse.  When I realize that, I get more upset with myself for not being able to handle such small things.

It’s four in the morning.  I can’t sleep for all the things running around in my head…and none of them can be handled at four in the morning anyway.


One thought on “Four in the Morning

  1. At 4 in the morning, you should be sleeping and getting your rest. It’s hard work growing a baby.

    If you aren’t already, I can’t encourage you enough to seek out professional help. It did wonders for me. My self esteem and confidence is 10 times what it once was. Having Dan as my rock also helps. Good luck.

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