Obsessed or Accountable: Deep Thoughts about my Weight Loss

For someone like me, who suffers from depression and anxiety, a lot of lines in life become blurred. It’s all too easy for something that I enjoy or something that I am working at to become an obsession, instead of just something that I am doing.

It’s happened with knitting in the past, and I’ve had to work hard to find a balance. It just recently happened with the Twilight books–and I ignored everything and everyone else until these were completed (but I hear I’m not the only one who feels this way).

I’ve also found that it’s happening with my weight loss. It started as a necessary measure because my clothes and rings weren’t fitting anymore. I also wanted to be at my best for my sister’s wedding in May, because those pictures will be around forever.

But I see so clearly what happened. There is so much going on right now–travel, plans to move home, anxiety about leaving friends…and there is so much going on that I can’t control. So what was something that I was holding myself accountable for by posting and weighing in quickly became something that I was obsessed with.

I was weighing myself daily–not eating if I felt that I’d eaten too much the day before, feeling guilt and shame if I overate. And I wasn’t seeing myself clearly anymore.

So, I have to decide how to find a balance. How do I get to my goal weight without making it an obsession? How do I learn to accept myself as I am, regardless of the number on the scale?

I thought about it while I went for a run this morning.

At least that’s something.

But I may cut back on my weight loss updates here. Instead of weekly, I think I’ll move to bi-weekly, and have Marcus hide the scale in the meantime.

After all, they are just numbers.

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5 thoughts on “Obsessed or Accountable: Deep Thoughts about my Weight Loss

  1. Very true…it is just numbers and you have great motivation already with your sister’s wedding. I think it’s great that you know and understand yourself and your tendencies. I think that shows great strength of character.

  2. Smart lady. It takes alot to recognize obsession…or what we perceive may turn to obsession. I’ve been there with the scales too. And just recently threw caution (and the scales ) to the wind. It’s hard. I’m thinking of you. And by the way…you always look fabulous…no matter the number on the scale.

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