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In which I have an epiphany

Several weeks ago, I had what may be one of the most powerful epiphanies of my life. It came upon me suddenly, but since then, not a day has gone by where I haven’t thought about it. I’m not sure I will ever not think about it again.

I am a worrier. I’ve also attributed this to my depression and anxiety. It has gotten better as I’ve treated those issues, but never entirely gone away. I worry. It’s what I do.

After an all-clear from my father, I took my daughters to see my grandfather for the first time in several months. It was a big deal. Suffering from leukemia, his guest list is strictly monitored and children under 18 had, until now, been forbidden. He was thrilled to see them. I was thrilled to see him see them.

But after I left, I couldn’t stop worrying. Though Jessica’s nose was dry, it had been running earlier. What if she got too close to him? What if he got sick and wasn’t strong enough to fight off the infection? What if…what if…what if…I couldn’t stop worrying.

So I brought the question to my sister. She reassured me and said all the right things.

Still, I worried.

So I asked my aunt. I confessed my worries and fears. She reassured me and said all the right things.

Still, I worried.

I called my husband. I poured my heart out to him. He reassured me and said all the right things.

Still, I worried.

I worried in spite of all those words that people spoke. I kept looking for someone else to take my worries to, convinced that they would be able to say something that would ease my worry. But nothing worked. No one said the right thing.

That’s when it occurred to me. There was only one person that I could bring this…any…worry to and get an answer that would take my worry away. There was only one person that I could speak to that could help me find peace. That person was God.

Those of you who know me know that though I consider myself a Catholic, and raise my children as such, I don’t often wear my religious heart on my sleeve, or think about the world from a spiritual perspective. So this epiphany…this was a very big deal for me.

I prayed. Instead of looking for someone to take my worries to, I took them to the Lord. And for the first time in my life, I felt peace.

It had little to do with His answer, I found. But my peace came from the telling. I turned to Him. I should always turn to Him.

Perhaps there’s something for you in this epiphany.

If nothing else, will you keep my Poppy in your thoughts and prayers? He…I…we…would all appreciate it.

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Timing is Everything

I’m in a serious knitting mood, determined to finish the first of the ribbed socks that I cast on almost a month ago and got pushed to the back of my UFO pile.  Add to that the fact that my family and I are all pretty laid up with upset stomachs, and the timing couldn’t be better for a day of television watching and knitting.

 Timing is also everything in other areas of my life, with Easter approaching tomorrow.  My oldest daughter has asked about why we have Easter and why Mommy and Daddy didn’t eat meat on Fridays, so I thought maybe I could give a quick abbreviated explanation.  I simply explained that just like we celebrate Jesus’ birthday on Christmas, on Good Friday Jesus died, and on Easter we remember that he rose from the dead.  She hasn’t asked any other questions about it, and I’m not sure that she “gets it”.  But with her asking, the timing seemed right, and hopefully next year she will ask more questions about our faith.

 It’s the first year that Easter has ever really been something that I’ve thought about, too.  Though I’ve been a Catholic all my life, it’s only in the past year that my husband and I have started attending church more regularly and becoming involved in our Catholic community.  I suppose timing came into play here, too.

I’ve given my writing a lot of thought lately, too.  I’ve been so worried about getting my book edited and sent off, that I forgot that this book, my first novel, came to me and I was inspired.  I will be inspired to finish it and edit it, too…it just isn’t happening as quickly as I might like for it too.  Maybe I’m being too hard on myself.  At any rate, when the timing is right, I’ll know it.

Hopefully the timing of this post comes at a good time for you…whether it inspires you to finish a knitting project, contemplate Easter and your faith, or think about your writing…