Marcus and I realized yesterday, for the first time, that our five year old has ears.  And that she uses them to listen to us when we don’t think she’s paying us any attention.

My grandfather has been ill recently, and we’ve been making extra trips to visit.  He’s at his home, in a hospital bed set up in the living room.  Though I was nervous about how the girls would do, they’ve done a great job.  They sing him Christmas songs (the other day he sang along and even danced a little!), talk to him and tell him about school, and bring him pictures.  They are quiet when we ask them to be, and our visits have been good ones.  It really lifts his spirits, and I am thankful for these precious memories with my grandfather and my children.

But when we left from our visit yesterday, I was a bit teary-eyed at the thought of my grandfather so sick.  I stood outside the car for a few minutes with Marcus before we got in.

When we got inside, Erica (3) said, “Mommy, are you sad because Granddaddy is sick and is going to die?”

Samantha (5) stepped in, “I just told her that, Mommy.  Is that right?”

I suspect her words were a combination of those little ears that we don’t think are listening and a recent conversation after we watched the movie Up.

Marcus was the one to respond, because her words were so innocent, and so sad, for me.  He is such an amazing father–I’m proud to call him my husband.

In the future, I suppose we’ll be more mindful of those little ears.

In the meantime, if any of you have an extra prayer to spare for my granddaddy, I know he and my family would all appreciate it.

Grandaddy, 2005

I’m sure I’m one of many blog posts today that will start this way, and probably not even the only one you’ll read.  But actually, this post has little to do with Thanksgiving, and more to do with life.

I was in bed with the girls the other night, with both of them cuddled up right next to me.  Of course, it made it rather hard for me, at 34 weeks pregnant, to get a good night’s sleep, so I was “blessed” with lots of time to think.  Like most people, I suspect that I do my best thinking in the middle of the night.

Mostly, my thoughts centered on the girls, and the impending arrival of baby Jessica.  Some days I feel like 34 weeks has dragged on indefinitely, and others I cannot believe how quickly they’ve flown, especially when I realize that my once babies are now 5 and 3.  How did that time pass so quickly?  Will it go faster, even, the third time?  I wonder…

I remember when the girls were little.  Some of Marcus’ and my favorite memories were the early days, when we’d be up later into the evening with them, before routines arrived.  We’d be watching tv, and Sam or Erica would be curled up (because they were always curled up) and resting on our chests, or sitting on the couch next to us.  We couldn’t resist staring, touching, holding, and picking up, even if it meant waking up the baby (which is pretty hard to do with a newborn).  With Samantha, we imagined it was the novelty, and that it would wear off.  We’d surely be different with Erica.  But we weren’t.  Those early times were the same.  Hectic during the day, of course, but calm in the evenings…our evenings.

There was something about those early days and nights–where you could survive on little sleep, where you seemed powered by some sort of adrenaline machine, and where nothing seemed more precious than that little baby.

I suppose most of that never goes away.  I’m thankful for that.  For the girls.  For the baby on the way.  For my family and friends. For all of it.

That’s the way it is according to my sister, who couldn’t let Jessica’s impending arrival approach without some sort of a celebration!

As always, she was the hostess with the mostess, and a great time was had by all.  There’s nothing I love better than a chance to get together with a small group of close friends to celebrate pretty much anything, and a baby (even a third baby) is no exception!

Is she really going to be here in 7ish weeks?

I may have a bit of a problem–is it still considered destashing if for every hank of yarn you sell, you buy more?

Yay!  Entrechat is finished!  This is a gorgeous pattern, and it knitted up quickly in Malabrigo Chunky.  If you knit, run, don’t walk, and get the pattern when the Knitting Kninja releases it (hopefully soon!).

We’ve all got ‘em.

But, do we all have them in a cabled shrug that is so awesome you can’t stop knitting it?

I do, I do!

I am in love with Entrechat by the Knitting Kninja.  Seriously, if you knit, when the pattern is released, buy it.  It is a fun, quick knit that looks so much more complicated than it actually is.  And knit in Malabrigo Chunky, it is the softest thing in the world…heavenly.

I love the twists and turns of the cables across the back and down my arms.  I feel like a talented knitter.

I need to pick up stitches for the ribbing, but hope to get completed pictures up soon.

Here’s a sneak peak!

I cannot believe that it is almost the end of October.  It was a crazy month–visitors, tons of writing and knitting, ballet and swimming classes for the girls, lia sophia parties, and now, Halloween.  It’s no wonder we’re ending the month a bit under the weather, what with all we’ve done.  Erica had a cough, which she promptly gave to me, and it mutated into a fevered variation by the time Samantha caught it.  Sigh.

But, November is going to bring with it a whole new set of excitement–and hopefully, a healthy household to go along with it.  I have SIX lia sophia parties this month, which is awesome.  I have a monetary goal in mind that may be a bit ambitious, but I’m hoping it works out.  Cross your fingers! 

Not only that, but we’ll still have ballet lessons for Samantha and swimming classes for Erica. They are both just too cute!

We’re also planning on a few fun activities for Thanksgiving week–our first Thanksgiving in the states since 2005!  It’ll be weird to be surrounded by people who actually celebrate this holiday!  Of course, we’ll miss our traditions–inviting our British neighbors over, the girls having school in the morning, and picking up the fresh turkey from the butcher (and running any additional errands) that day because everything is still open.  But, we’re excited to be surrounded by family.

It’s going to be another fast month…isn’t it?

And on that note, take a look at how big baby Jessica is getting!

My low is starting to fade, and the sun is shining both inside and outside of our house a bit more.  Maybe I’ll blame pregnancy hormones, and try to remain positive.  If I worry about the downs, it will only make them worse.

And while the sun is shining, there’s been knitting.  Oh boy, has there been knitting.  Not so much cleaning (hah!) but knitting.  In fact, I’ve completed 16 projects for the October Malabrigo Junkies Stockpile.  I’ll almost be glad for Sunday to roll around, because I’ve felt compelled to keep working on one skein projects!  Entrechat has hit the back burner, and instead, I’ve knitted up these (and this is just a sampling)…

Whew!  Then, when the stockpile is over I’ve promised myself to work on Dad’s Christmas vest (you know…from last Christmas), my Brilliance Pullover (hibernating since the move) and to finish the Entrechat shrug test knit.

At least I haven’t lost the will to knit!

By all measures, this has been a good (great) month for me.  Anne and Phil were here for two weeks, which was awesome.  My lia sophia business has been doing really well–I’ve doubled the amount of money I’d hoped to make every month so far.  My web writing has been incredibly busy–I’ve done a huge partner project with Associated Content that has kept me quite busy and well paid.  In addition, I released my baby cardigan pattern, which has already sold 11 copies since its release on Sunday afternoon!

Of course, those of you who suffer from mental illness know about “by all measures” and “the shoulds”.  This should have been an awesome month–look at all the great things that have happened.  I should be feeling happy–I’m pregnant, our financial outlook is good, and we’re home.  I should, I should, I should…

Instead, I’ve been on a bit of a downward spiral, my first since the initial crash of coming off of my medication when I found out I was pregnant and handling Marcus’ seven weeks overseas.  It hasn’t been a crash, per se.  Rather, I’m just having ups and downs, highs and lows.  But unlike the highs and lows most people have, my highs aren’t high anymore, they’re average.

Instead of happy with all the great things going on, I find myself overwhelmed with it all–with the business of life.  Easily frustrated.  Short-fused.  Moody.

In short, how I feel when I’m depressed and not on my medication.

To combat this, I continue to try to stay busy, but to find a better balance.  I cannot, in fact, do it all.  I have to remember that when the days are rainy and cold (like they’ve been lately) I need to turn on all the lights and stay active.   I need to lean on Marcus and ask him for help when I need it.

I need to remember (don’t laugh) that I’m pregnant and my pregnant hormones usually start to go a bit crazy at this point, anyway.

It *has* been a good month…I just wish I could feel it.  Maybe just acknowledging it and realizing it will help.

So, I posted on Sunday about how I sent Marcus out on a mission.  He was headed to Trader Joe’s, which was right next to Joanne’s.  I desperately needed (wanted) the correct size needles so that I could re-start Entrechat.

So, I sent him into the store with a note detailing exactly what he needed.  He was to give it to a salesperson and ask for help.

Well…he came home with one set of the desired two sets of needles.  He explained that they didn’t have the one size (no surprise) so he bought the other size.

I was pleasantly surprised to hear this.  Until, that is, I looked at them.

They are these hideous Boye plastic needles…like old ladies and toddlers knit with.  Straight, too, which will work but aren’t my preference.  I am a needle snob, as well as a yarn snob.

I sighed.  And then it struck me.

“Marcus,” I said.  “Did the lady at the store help you with these?”

He paused.  “No.  They had just opened and everyone was busy.”

It all starts to make sense.

“Gosh, I’m really surprised that they didn’t have any circulars in the size I needed.  Or any US 10.5 (6.5 mm). “

“You didn’t say you wanted mm sized needles.  You wrote US.  So that’s what I got.”

“Marcus, did they have needles that were only sized in mm?  Usually needles list both sizes, and I just wrote the US size since I had the pattern in front of me.”

“I wasn’t about to get things that weren’t on the list.”

Sigh.

I suppose I should be thankful he went at all…after all, not all husbands would have.  I just shouldn’t be surprised with the results.  Plastic straight needles in one of the two sizes I needed (and apparently, the only ones in the store that were only sized in US sizes).