Nolan is live!

My newest knitting pattern, Nolan, is now live!  Yay!  I really do adore this hat, and it may be my new go-to for babies, toddlers, children, and maybe even for myself.  I’m not just saying it because it’s my pattern, either!  I promise!

Now that we’ve gotten the exclamation points out of the way, let’s talk details.

I got the idea for a garter rib body after knitting about a dozen Snow Day Cowls, a pattern by my friend and fellow designer Sue.  I loved the idea of a hat that had a garter rib body, and was surprised that I didn’t find one.  But I never sit down to put the hat together, mostly because I was intimidated with finding a way to make the crown come together nicely.  Then my sister got pregnant with her second child and decided not to find out what she was having.  Suddenly, I *needed* a gender neutral baby hat, and I knew this was where garter rib could work.  So I went to work.

Nolan is sized for newborns, infants, toddlers, and children.  I had a variety of head sizes to work with here at the house, but I also referenced Kate Oates’ great head sizing chart.  Because heads come in many different shapes and sizes, this was a wonderful resource for me as a designer (and a knitter).

Nolan is knit in sportweight or DK weight yarn.  I knit my first sample in Huckleberry Knits Nootka Merino sportweight (the Huckleberry colorway) on 3.25 mm needles.  I knit my second sample in String Theory Hand-dyed Merino DK  (the Nevirrik colorway), also on 3.25 mm needles.

One of my favorite things about this pattern is the stretch that the the garter rib has, without all the work of regular 2×2 ribbing.  In fact, if I had added extra length to the toddler-sized hat I knit for Jessica, I could have worn it!

Nolan is priced at $4, but between now and the end of November 2011, if you purchase in threes: a baby cardigan or Wyatt, you will receive Nolan free of charge!

I hope you enjoy Nolan as much as I have!

 

One thing after another

This week has been chaotic. Not only did all three girls end up really ill, but biscuit (our 5 month old puppy) spent a night at the emergency vet and we had a disastrous day with the big girls.

But we have survived and another week is upon us. It’s the last full week of summer vacation. With quite a few ups and downs, I have mixed feelings about the return to school. On one hand, it’s the return to schedules, routines, homework, and after school activities. On the other, thank goodness for just that!

So, I’m determined to slow down and enjoy this week with the girls. The week before I have a first grader and a kindergartener, the week before my babies are back to being big girls, and it’s the week before everything changes (again).

Here’s to one thing after another…and then another!

Quarter of a Year

A quarter of a year has passed since my last post. Quarter of a year. It seems impossible. I can’t possibly fill you all in in everything that has happened in those three months. I’m reminded of country lyrics that seem to sum it up: “Sounds like life to me!”

So where are we now, for this next quarter of a year? I’m working on a knitting project that won’t reach fruition until next year, but I promise you’ll love it. I’m writing more than ever, with the help of a sitter to get some uninterrupted time. I’m enjoying summer with the girls, though we’re working through a rough stage with Erica.

I’m doing it all back on my medication. I have no regrets, except perhaps that I waited so long to see help again.

Hello again, blog. Expect to see me around a lot more often.

Graduation Goggles

On Sunday, Kiki and I took the big girls to see The Sound of Music at our old high school. The production was wonderful, and the girls truly loved it (even though, at times I wasn’t sure Erica would make it through the whole thing). They’ve had me singing the songs the whole week!

Mommy, Samantha, and Erica

While we were there, it got Kiki and I reminiscing, and funnily enough, this week’s episode of How I Met Your Mother talked about a phenomenon called “graduation goggles.” This is when you start to remember something or someone more fondly than they actually are, once your time together is almost over–sort of like how you are friends with everyone on the day you graduate…even those people you never spoke to in school.

Clearly, I was overcome by graduation goggles on Sunday. Though I have lots of good high school memories, there were certainly some bumps in the road. There are reasons I’ve chosen to send my children to public school instead of the private school I attended (money is only one of them…though it’s a good one). And there are reasons I don’t always think back on high school with smiles.

But on Sunday, sitting in the cafeteria where I had lunch with my friends (almost all of whom I’ve lost touch with over the years), crammed for tests, saw my favorite teachers (some of whom are still teaching there, and I caught a glimpse of on Sunday), and my biggest worry was passing Honors Biology and fitting in, I saw things through graduation goggles.

Still, it was wonderful to show off my high school to the girls, take them to their first play, and share the whole thing with my sister and best friend.

Life is good.

 

Kiki, Samantha, and Erica

In which I hang my hat

My trip to the UK went off without out a hitch–even better, I had an amazing time.  It was great to see my friends, relax, walk to town, eat all the yummy foods I’ve been missing, and to get a bit of a break from Marcus and the girls.

Better still, I got to do it all in a place that feels like home.  Marcus wondered if we’d perhaps been romanticizing our time in England–were we remembering it as better than it was simply because we were away with no immediate plans to return?  He was pleased to hear me say that no, England still felt like home, was as beautiful as it was when we left, and that all the things we missed were there and as perfect as we remembered.

Of course, our time in England did have its ups and downs, and coming home when we did was the right decision for many, many reasons.

But it was a reminder to me, to us, that there may be a place for us in England again, one day down the road.

More than anything else, my trip came at the ideal time.  I returned home refreshed, mindful of the wife and mother that I want to be and with my sights set on being her.  I was reminded of the fact that Marcus and the girls are my everything.  I really do have it all.

And I’ll hang my hat wherever they are.  That’s home.

In which I attempt to pass the time

I leave for my vacation in England in less than 3 months now.  Those 3 months will be full (as are most days!).  We’re preparing to start kindergarten for Samantha and preschool for Erica.  I’m considering a babysitter for Jessica one day a week so I can devote time to work, instead of finding time for work.  We’ll have Girl Scouts, soccer practices and games, Sunday School, and the logistics of day-to-day life filling up our calendar.

And still, I find myself thinking about my time in England and how I can’t wait for it to get here.

So, to help pass the time I’ve decided to start a large-scale knitting project.  I’ve got socks on the needles, a shawl hibernating, a test knit halfway completed, and a hat almost completed.  But I want to knit something for myself, and I think the time is right for Catriona.

Three months to knit Catriona.  It’s actually a pretty ambitious goal, because of all the cabling.  And I won’t lose sleep over it.  But I’d like to challenge myself and see if I can do it.  Bring it with me.  Wear it.

It seems to suit, doesn’t it?

In which I have a freak out

I feel like you must be tired of posts about this, since there have been many over the years.   I regularly have to balance my desire for an immaculate home with my desire to have a fun house and my desire to make time for myself instead of spending every free minute cleaning.  I have to balance it all, and sometimes I fail at that.

What happens a lot of times is that I can handle the chaos and the messes and the never-ending to-do list for a while, and then suddenly, I can’t.  Suddenly, I’m overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done, even though those things have needed to be done for X amount of time.  And I have a freak out.  There’s usually yelling at Marcus and the kids, stomping around the house, and mumbling under my breath about how I do everything, how no one helps or appreciates me, and there is often a fight that ends up ensuing between Marcus and I about something unrelated but brought on by this change in my mood.

This is not something that I am proud of.  In fact, I’m pretty ashamed of it.  I worry that the girls will grow up and remember these freak outs, instead of all the fun stuff we do, all the books we read and games we played, and all the times I was a calm, patient parent.  When I’m in my rational mind (hah!) I recognize that that isn’t the case.  But when I’m in the throws of this anxiety-induced freak out, it’s all I can see.  And I hate myself during and after these episodes.

I think the reason I decided to blog about this is because writing about it and telling people about it helps me own it, so that I can work on changing this behavior that I so despise.

My plan is simple–try to keep up with things around the house a little better, try to worry less about what other people think about the way my house looks, and try to recognize that I am a good wife and mother and the way my house looks has nothing to do with that.

Wish me luck!

Oh, Snap!

Jessica doesn’t have a scrapbook yet. I have a substantially larger amount of printed pictures for Samantha than I do for Erica (or Jessica, for that matter). I have large piles of photos in folders and in boxes awaiting their final destinations…and I’m three years behind.

It’s because of this that I truly believe that camera phones are the best invention of the past decade…and I only started using one last year. thanks to a camera in my phone, I can take pictures in places when I’d normally not carry my camera, especially when I have three little girls in tow.

My scrapbooks might be behind–but at least I’m still snapping away.

Depressed? Nah.

I’ve had some questions about how I’ve been feeling since Jessica arrived, and I thought it warranted a blog post.  The long story short is that I’ve suffered from bouts of major depression and anxiety since I was in high school, was diagnosed in college, and had a major episode during our stint overseas.  However, when we moved home from England last April and I found out I was pregnant, I quit my medication cold turkey (which, for the record, I don’t recommend…ever).

So here we are now, almost a year later.

I won’t lie and say it was always pretty.  Once I made it through the withdrawal, I suffered from a condition known as “first trimester.”  It wasn’t pretty.  But I don’t know if it was uglier for me than it was for any other women with two active children and a husband still overseas for seven more weeks.

Then, I suffered from a terrible bout of “it’s getting dark earlier.”  It did have me craving a Celexa, but I survived thanks to my fabulous husband and family.

Towards the end of my pregnancy I ran into “the end of pregnancy blues” that are often accompanied by a lack of sleep and severe exhaustion because you’re the size of a house.  But I actually think I managed to handle them pretty well.

Of course, after Jessica was born I was visited by “the baby blues.”  Been there, done that, wrote the book.

So that brings us to where we are today.  And I won’t lie and say that being a mother to three children (five and under) is easy.  There are days I starting counting down to bedtime (usually on my fingers, because my kids have sucked all the intelligence right out of me) shortly after we get up in the morning.  But overall, I’m feeling pretty good about life.

I’m loving every second of Jessica, and I know that’s helping.  The thought that she *might* be our last (my husband is feeling pretty “done” after three girls…I’m not convinced) gives me plenty of cause to cherish every second.  And I’m not sure if it’s because this is my third and Marcus and I have this parenting thing down, or if it’s because Jessica is such a good baby…but I feel pretty on top of things.

For the first time in a long time (ever?) I feel like I’ve got things under control.  I’m a good mom.  Not perfect, but good.  Some days I’m great.

So depressed?   Nah.

It hibernates.  Will it rear its ugly head again?  Perhaps.  Probably.  Maybe. One day.

And I’ll be ready.

Priorities

I was super excited by this year’s Ravelympics/Knitting Olympics challenge.  The Plain and Simple Pullover has been in my queue for a long time, but I was daunted by the idea of a fingering weight sweater, even one that has a fairly straightforward construction and short sleeves.  This seemed like the perfect opportunity to challenge myself.

But life, as it seems, had other plans.  Close friends were stunned by news that cancer has returned, and suddenly their lives revolve around schedules and experimental treatments.

These aren’t the friends we’ve known the longest, and aren’t the family we were born with.  But their story has really struck a chord with me.  Perhaps it’s the wife’s upbeat nature, refusing to become consumed with her husband’s scary prognosis.  Maybe it’s the fact that their children are the same age as our children.  Maybe it’s watching the couple together–how much they love each other and appreciate one another, recognizing the blessings they’ve had together in spite of this terrible news.

Whatever the reason, I’m putting my knitting projects on hold for a greater purpose–hats they’ve requested to take with them to New York.  How can I refuse?

It isn’t my Knitting Olympics project, but I’m not sad to put that to the side for this.  There’s more to life than that simple, self-imposed challenge. There are real challenges out there, those I can’t even begin to comprehend.  Those that no one should have on their plate.  Ones that, though I pray, I can’t get a grip on.

I wish there was more I could do.  But in the meantime, I’ll knit.