The girls and I have been awake for more than three hours now. In that time we have:
- had bowls of oatmeal, milk, and fruit for breakfast
- watched Handy Manny
- played on the swingset
- gone to 7’11 for slurpees and powdered doughnuts
- played with the farm and doll toys that my mother saved from when my sisters and I were kids
- written an article for Associated Content
- transferred money from my Paypal account to my checking account
And it’s only 9:24 AM. Whew.
But while I was pushing the girls on the swings this morning, it struck me that my mind was wondering. I was thinking about the socks I am knitting, the article I needed to write, the things I needed to buy for the open house on Saturday, and the emails that I wanted to return and the post I wanted to write here.
And I felt guilty. Guilty that I wasn’t giving the girls my undivided attention while they were swinging. I was anxious for that to be over so I could move on to the next thing. I felt badly about that.
The truth is, there’s no reason for the guilt. My girls are good girls. I love them. I play with them. I feed them, clothe them, clean up after them, and do my best with them. I am not perfect, but they are certainly loved and cared for every day.
And still the guilt lingers. I feel that I should be giving them my undivided attention 24/7, and enjoying every second of the day that I get with them.
I know I am not the only mother to do this to herself. My friend Anne is always telling me that I am too hard on myself. She’s right. But I can’t be the only one. I know there are other women out there feeling it, living it, too.
At any rate, the girls and I are off to cuddle on the couch and watch another episode of Handy Manny. I’ll probably feel guilty about that later, too…